DR. WALLACE: I'm a female college student entering my final year of college next month. I've never been one who was driven to be career oriented, so I studied in a field that I can find excellent part-time work in and also receive an attractive compensation level due to a shortage nationwide in the field. My core goal is to get married and start a family within two years after graduation.

Back in high school, I regularly changed boyfriends like I changed my fashion styles, sometimes in a month or less! But since I've reached college, I definitely became more selective, and my current boyfriend and I have been together over a year now. We haven't discussed marriage yet, but I'll admit, it has run through the back of my mind a few times, especially over the past few months.

Is he perfect? No, of course not, but the flaws he has are not huge, and he definitely has several admirable qualities. In the past, I tended to focus on flaws or things that irritated me, but now I'm kind of channeling a saying my father used to say to everyone in our family for decades: "Obstacles are things you don't notice when you're working hard, focused on a goal." That has always resonated with me. Since I'm doing so well keeping my eyes off any minor or moderate obstacles in my relationship, do you think it's reasonable that I allow myself to daydream of where I might be in my future with him a year or two from now? — I'm Focused on My Goal, Not Any Obstacles, via email

I'M FOCUSED ON MY GOAL, NOT ANY OBSTACLES: Absolutely! You've invested over a year of your life in this relationship, and instead of focusing on minor flaws, you told me about him having several admirable qualities. I'd say that's a pretty good foundation to consider when you think about your ultimate future.

Relationships of course involve give-and-take, and they continuously evolve over time, so use this next year to evaluate the practicality of the evolution the two of you are experiencing together. Focus on the quality of your relationship and how strong it is growing while taking care not to become overly infatuated with your future goals of marriage and children just yet. If the two of you are able to sustain and evolve well, your end goals may organically develop without requiring any heavy lifting on your end.

DR. WALLACE: I'm a guy who is a high school senior this coming fall, and my older brother is two years ahead of me and a college student. We enjoyed a lot of good times as brothers growing up, but since he's gone off to college, whenever my parents and I see him, he seems to be much more animated than I ever remember him being before.

For example, he'll breathlessly tell me that he just met the greatest girl, that they've already had a few dates and he's really excited about her. He'll also mention that he got a fantastic new part-time job that pays really well and so forth.

But quite often, after a few months pass and when we see him again, he no longer is dating the same girl or even working at the same job! Of course, none of us ask him for details about these changes, and part of the reason for that is that he has a whole new set of exciting things to tell us.

I'm not sure what's going on with him, but it seems like his personality is slightly different now than I remember it being when we grew up under the same roof. I don't want to say anything specifically to him about what I've noticed, but I'd surely help him in any way I could if he needs it. Why do you think he acts the way that he does now? — My Older Brother Seems to Have Changed, via email

MY OLDER BROTHER SEEMS TO HAVE CHANGED: It could be now that he's out on his own, comparing himself to other people much more readily and frequently, and he wants to convey that he's measuring up to everyone else around him.

Sometimes this can be due to a slight wobble in self-confidence or a latent desire to seem constantly like he's a success in everything he's doing. Instead of asking him specific questions about his new girlfriends or new jobs, perhaps a good strategy for you would be to remind him of your past together when you do see him these days. Think back to a few funny or heartfelt stories involving the two of you, and ask him if he remembers when a certain event or outing happened.

Thinking back to positive stories about the two of you in the past may provide him some inner joy and also help him to stay a bit calmer in your presence. If you get an opportunity, tell him you're proud of him and that he was an excellent older brother to grow up with. These types of positive discussions and affirmations will likely be quite beneficial to him, especially coming from you.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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